Things I Don’t Understand

Things I Don’t Understand – Part 1

-Reality TV (I’m so over it…)

-Minimizing Bras (‘nuf said)

-Genital Piercings (hello?)

-Functioning Alcoholics (If someone is functioning properly they aren’t an alcoholic. Period.)

-WonkaCakes (If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!)

-“Error 9” Microsoft Messages (wtf is this anyway???)

-The name “Microsoft” (did Gates name it after his little buddy? lol)

-Social Smokers (You either do or you don’t. There is no in between.)

-The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (A movie you have to see to understand.)

-Pop-Up Blockers that tells you every time it blocks a pop-up (Isn’t that a pop-up?)

-Re-makes (songs or movies)

-Margarine (Who decided this was edible?)

-Safety Razors (Is there such a thing?)

-Cell phone messages that say “I can’t come to the phone…” (umm… the whole point of a cell phone is so that the phone comes to you, dear.)

-Liturgy Books (too long to discuss now)

-Capers (what are these? Beans? Some sort of “seasoning”?)

-Broccoflower (It’s just wrong.)

-Hemorrhoids vs. Asteroids (I think Webster mixed up the names/definitions)

-Hydrogenated Oil (“Wait- I have an idea! Let’s take the rotten barrel oil, pump it full of hydrogen, incinerate it, and EAT IT!!”—which stupid ass thought of this?? Blame him for all the obesity in the US, thanks guy!)

-1 Car Garages (What’s the point, honestly?)

-The International Space Station (I don’t get how we can spend billions on a space station that has really no purpose and has not “discovered” anything that would help us advance as mankind, yet social security is running out, we are in massive debt, and we have millions of homeless people in the US. Hello? Is anyone watching the road??)

-Clamato Juice (wtf?)

-Medical Co-Pays (Isn’t that what we pay $800 per month on insurance for?? Do they have to squeeze that last $20 out of me? Is that imperative?)

-The “hunt” for Bin Laden (How hard is it to find a nearly 7’ long-ass bearded one-armed guy carrying around a machine gun while wearing a turban and attached to a dialysis machine that has a bumper sticker on it that says “Fuck USA” hiding in an area approx the size of California??)

-The problem with being Politically Incorrect.

-The Federal Reserve

-25 cash registers, 2 cashiers, and 30 people in line.

-Skinny Jeans on boys, or guyliner, or boys with a hairstyle requiring more time than mine.

-Drinking a liquid that comes from an animal and is designed for said animal’s offspring. 

-How the term “widget” is appropriate… but saying “midget” isn’t.

-Filling the dog’s water bowl from the hose, only for him to lap the spillage on the ground.

-Corn and/or Soy

-A tv show starring a famous girl acting like a famous girl who acts like a non-famous girl.  Victor Victoria of the new millenia?

-Cover charges/2-drink min

-How many states the US actually has.  Similarly, how many planets are there in our solar system?

-Why my left pinky doesn’t work when it comes to Guitar Hero or Rock Band.

-Lady GaGa

-Fake candles

-A tv show about a web show

-We have seedless grapes, seedless watermelon, seedless everything except raspberries and blackberries… which is where I *really* don’t want seeds!




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